my heart's a rollercoaster riot

I don't like this. I feel as though I am gaining one thing, and losing another.

Maybe I'm just being forgetful, or maybe in all my efforts in trying to forget are paying off. I no longer remember things as vividly as before. It's as if I'm looking back thru frosted glass. feels good though? like looking into something good, yet not clear enough to see the truth. When I see you, my heart is on board a paper plane, it soars, but like all paper planes, they don't stay air borne forever and soon come crashing down to earth again. The gravity you pull is too strong.

And you'd never understand completely why I am not able to look you in the eye, or speak with you without being excessively nonchalant/looking like I'd run away at the slightest chance but simply can't cos I know deep down inside if I did steal a glance I would never look away and if I said one more word I'd tell you I love you and make you run away like a scared little boy, all over again.