so lay here beside me, just hold me, and don't let go

You've done it again, and again, and again. I've been getting really vivid dreams of late. Each to do with killer disappointment, either that or waking up in cold sweat. And I'm sitting here logging in an entry in my dark room, curled up in my sheets, feeling this massive sense of emptiness and I just feel so, so sad.

My plan in trying to abstain from all things you have failed, in so many ways. I want to run away but it doesn't seem to work.

I think everything I've ever felt for you and every single disappointment and fear and loss and tear and smile has been vacuum packed into this dream. And in the end? There was no happy ending. Just pure desolation and inadequacy. I thought dreams were supposed to be the opposite of reality, apparently not.

So that's it, I'll stop. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, if there was even one to begin with. I am so tired of waiting for something to happen, only to be let down time and again.

I'll stop trying.