We are all too human to love that way.

∆∆∆

Today I miss you so much my heart broke all over again. Today I reminded myself I need to stop being such a sad sack. Today, I realized I couldn’t.

They said it takes 7 months to know if you are in love. It's been years, and I still do. Obviously this isn't infatuation, right? I always had those dreams about us turning from childhood friends into teenage lovers like a picture perfect Hollywood ending, but welcome to reality, Deborah.

Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I'm just forgetful, but I cannot remember the good things as vividly and as clearly as before. I flipped through the pages of my diary and for the times I asked myself why I was insanely in love with you, the reasons were all dated back to when we were 12.

"Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again"

-Rachel Hansen, 500 Days of Summer

Of course I remember the times you made my head spin and my heart ache. It is only all too familiar. But like a bad habit, I got used to it.

Sometimes I think about the times you make my heart soar, but of course, we all know paper hearts like paper airplanes never stay air borne for long. They will, sooner or later come crashing down to earth again. I feel so low; I can't feel anything at all. Is this what it feels like to bubble wrap myself? I feel so selfish. But who is more selfish? You possessing all my attention, or me wanting you only for myself. My heart is a roller coaster riot.

I had always perceived love in the same way the bible does. Agape love; unconditional. For the longest time, I thought loving someone should be unconditional, loving with no doubts, giving it your all. I was wrong. We are all too human to love that way.

I wrote this for my CW journal, a while back, just thought I'd shared it with you guys. I was talking with Serial Bud about how we'd feel if, someone we loved a lot, but who broke our hearts suddenly had a change of mind and came back, how would we feel?

∆ says: (10:28:10 PM)

yeah, and sometimes you wonder if its genuine after so long

∆ says: (10:28:22 PM)

and if its the same as what you could really be offered

∆ says: (10:28:41 PM)

like sometimes it just sucks knowing things arent the same even though their good, enough

I don't know if I could love you back. And that just makes me feel absolutely miserable.