because I'm tired and restless, and through my groggy mental state and half opened eyes, I will declare this here. I miss your stupid face. I miss the way you smile when something tickles you, I miss the way you'd crinkle your nose and make the ugly distorted face I hate when I try to take a picture of you. The twinkle in your eyes when you're excited. Especially how defined every line is chiseled onto your tan brown skin when you're concentrating on something. I miss feeling the veins stretch across your skin, fascinating geography of lifelines that keep you breathing and healthy. I miss your smell, CK, if I remember correctly. I miss spying at you through the gaps of heads bowed and quiet in the sanctuary. You were a pleasant surprise on unexpected sunday mornings. I miss you, because through loving you I had something that belonged to only me. I miss you in the worst possible way I feel my insides hurt.
I can't keep lying to myself like this.
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