fly like paper get high like planes,

I've been sitting here typing and re-typing, thinking of what to say to fill this void. I can't quite begin to describe how anything feels like anymore and it just gets difficult to want to try. I've been a mess of a person lately, but not entirely at the same time. My fickle heart can't make up its mind. I'm a girl who knows what she wants in life, and maybe, just maybe, my biggest problem is in wondering whether or not I want to try to get it done. I'm terrified of myself, what I'm capable of. I don't understand a lot of things but I try. Is that good enough? I'll never know. I hate all this self-doubt and negativity I instigate and mull about, but that's just what I do, I like to dwell in things, one thing at a time. There are just some days when I think about dying and then the thought gets so tempting and then the very next moment I feel silly for even considering it. I know what I have to live for and why I have to live on but I don't want to but I want to all at the same time.

well hello 2011, I hope you'll be kind.