what am I expected to feel

So it's just been a really draining week, and with half the family members gone the house has just been big and empty. So many things have happened in the past week and I don't know if I can keep up. I liked the coming together and I hated the growing apart. I liked the late night drives and loud noisy music. I liked the endless conversations about how our lives could be so much better than this, and I hated feeling down about the lives that are not mine to live. I marvel at how all my friends have grown up, from completing the big A levels to enlisting into National Slavery to getting their driver's license etc etc etc and I kinda feel left behind. It's not easy dealing with how fast time is slipping through my fingers and frittering away. God, please help me manage my time wisely. I'm sending you an S.O.S via expressmail I hope you receive it.

Today was a less lonely sunday, I'm kinda glad I called babycakes and woke him up. So we chilled with the cutiepies and a cupcake and we had a nice, lazy sunday afternoon while he got over his hangover. It's been proven an idle mind is a devil's playground and after 10pm I ended up missing someone way too much and almost went on a kamikaze mission.

I'd admit, there comes a time when you're finally over the hurt and disappointment, and the angry feelings fade and mute out, when you realise how much you really miss a person's presence in your life more so than you relish their absence. For the past week it's felt as though all the boys of my past all joined forces and became this collective ghost of a past to haunt my dreams and inception my ass out of "nightmares". I know dreams are part of our subconscious but it shouldn't include all the good things right! Guys, (not like you can hear me but here goes.) I don't appreciate the handholding and back hugging, the smiles and the end of missing someone in my dreams, just, don't. I may be toughtomato but I'm still struggling to stay afloat. Man, times are hard for dreamers.

SO, despite being an emotional wreck, I am going to remind myself that life can still be rainbows and butterflies even as compromise moves us along. (har har, maroon 5 lyrics always there for you)

talking cock with my abang,

Kenneth Fok 1:39 AM

o

u make my week

Deborah 1:39 AM

hahaha

Kenneth Fok 1:40 AM

debs ah

Deborah 1:40 AM

yes

Kenneth Fok 1:40 AM

y u so awesome

Deborah 1:40 AM

im not

Kenneth Fok 1:40 AM

y u lie

and discussing holiday plans with Wongsies!

Life is good, debs. Stop thinking otherwise. :)