faithful to the faithless

I've been living out of my bed, hiding in my room because my eyes are diseased with conjunctivitis and I'm trying to minimize public humiliation by keeping my frog face out of sight. Vanity will be the death of me! (literally) I've been wandering around with blurred vision because wearing my glasses simply will not do.

Camp Faith had me disappointed initially. I guess I was expecting a great big life changing epiphany on how I could improve my walk with God and I could set my life straight again but because I was shooting majority of the time, I barely could hear Him with my head swimming/drowning in my own thoughts. Yet despite all that, the simple message that struck me the most was: God is faithful even if we are faithless. I've been "floating" for such a long time now, and learning that all I need to do is trust, have faith and love as He's loved me so as to stand on solid ground again has kept me awestruck and in humble adoration. Falling out of love with love was a difficult price to pay for a lesson learnt. Up till now I still struggle with it, keeping people at arms length afraid that if I let my guard down these walls I've so carefully reconstructed will come tumbling down. So for now, I'm taking baby steps. Like a child I'm trying to live life in wide eyed wonder, learning to appreciate the little things and committing everything in prayer.

Speaking of which... God REALLY answers prayer!

For those who know I had been really stressed out with trying to secure my internship position, especially with all the other talented students out there, I can't help but feel terribly inadequate and these feelings of being not good enough for anything can reaaaally poison and kill. Human effort is just never enough to quench this insatiable need to be better and bigger than who we are.

"You never know God is all you need till God is all you have left."

Rick Warren

And so thanks so a whole lot of praying and presenting my requests to Him, he blessed me with not one, but two(!) interviews and not only did I get both, I also got the one photo studio I've really wanted all along. Also, not only are they hiring me based on my photo works, they'd also like me to do illustrations for some of the photo albums. I don't know how else to express in words how much this is a "dream come true" for me. For the longest time I have always regarded myself as incapable of things beyond my comfort zone (which is really small btw) and I guess it's just nice to have people recognise and certain your skills. I'm so much like a little kid trying to gain recognition, alamak.. Nonetheless, I guess this is as good as it gets and I can only pray it never ends! :)

Till the next time,

debs.