I was important somewhere, once

"I was important somewhere, once. I was the sun on your back, baking your shoulders and rubbing them until they bloomed red under my palms. and I was the way your brown eyes lit like the cities we said we’d see when the night silently exploded into the skies. I was important somewhere, once. I was the lullaby underneath your feet when the staircase groaned and whined at your patient steps. my fingers could reach up and pluck the stars for you, and sometimes I would bring them down and tell you to look closely but I knew, I knew. I shined brighter for you. I was the sea, I was too inviting and you had to dip your feet at least once but I was also too big to swim though and your limbs grew tried much too fast to keep up with all of the waves. My mother did say, “the sea is always unforgiving”. maybe she was right and maybe you left me and my salted lips to dry up into the ocean floor but I still sway and I still wait. I was important somewhere, once—do you remember? I want to shake myself out of winter and it’s cold teeth and write things to you, tell you that I never needed you to hold the ships and boats afloat. That I am important now, here, too. even without you."

It's funny how some people have such a way with words and you just marvel and envy their ability to articulate certain feelings you never thought possible. 3am tumblr surfing always has me ending up in a sad, sort of pitiful state. It's when the over thinking sets in and you just kind of let loose and end up sinking into a sandpit of self pity. I am one for wallowing though, it's therapeutic in the most ironic way. It's all come full circle now, I've always not been good with commitments but how come I'm so committed to this longing and ache? It's so tiring to keep second guessing, wishing and waiting, wanting to know if you feel the same way too even though its already obvious that you don't. But I know... I know romanticising all this sadness is just my way of seeking solace in trying to dignify my pathetic state. Oh God, please just send all these feelings away.