wake up, wake up

For the longest time I have felt that something has been missing in my life, a void that I didn't know how to fill. I searched to fill the gap with frivolous material things, sometimes reading into songs and words other people script to try and find solace, but today it somehow clicked together. I was desperately looking for a change I couldn't get to if I didn't get myself out of the rut I was stuck in. It wasn't about a boy who broke my heart at one point in time, it wasn't about being in a bad place. It was simply me being a slave to a kind of sadness that I had come to identify with. It enveloped my thoughts and became a reason in itself. Cannot find boyfriend? Oh, that's just because I'm still sad over the previous one. Cannot concentrate on work? Ah, sad what. Why must things happen like that? #Life. I kept finding fault with everything else but was too proud to see that I was hindering myself from being happier.

Sometimes we all need that little push, a reminder or confirmation in words before the thoughts and decisions we're unsure of in our tiny, frightened hearts can be set in stone and made bold. The gap that I've been trying to fill was the absence of the God in my life. I had neglected the relationship that most needed my attention and care. I'm an idiot but I aaaaalways have to go ONE BIG ROUND before I "realize" again that I need to go back to Him.

So thank you Lord for always backing me up, for knocking some sense into me through the people I meet and taking me as I am; a work in progress.