head in a cloud

"Are you really that unhappy?"

It's hard to answer, but I've been thinking about it. I can't say that is accurate, yet I also cannot deny and look past all this unhappiness that keeps gnawing at my heels; casting long ghastly shadows that haunt and taunt me. I've been wondering what being happy means - whether it meant being content or secure. Or if it were just a momentarily fleeting feeling... and half the time it's the latter. I don't want temporal spurts of happiness. I need more than that. I need to feel a sense of belonging, the need to be comfortable in my circumstances and surroundings, and I can't get that here.

These pillow talks I have with myself before my eyes close and dreams beckon frighten me. Like a downward spiral it just keeps getting worse, and I feel like I'm just waiting to hit rock bottom.