awakening
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating, I'm bleeding.
The past 3 weeks have been sobering, adjusting back to my reality that is job hunting and finding myself amidst the confusion of growing up and adopting all these responsibilities that adulthood has to offer. The past 4 months already feel like a dream, funny huh? I sit here looking at photographs and they're the only thing that allows me to believe the memories carefully crafted and stored away actually happened. I kept away from this space because for the first time in a long time I felt so, so at ease with myself. I had no need to sound poetic or wax lyrical about how my life was a car wreck of emotions or how I mindlessly content I was. That said, I have changed in many ways and in my own way of thanksgiving or pensive reflection, I think it's time to come back and string together words and thoughts because memory is a cruel thing and we always forget the important things.
I know I haven't really been able to map out the sequence of events that happened while I was away, and neither was I very good at keeping in touch, but now that I'm back here with you, how I wish I could sit you through rambling conversations about how I had the best fucking summer of my life. Oh, what I would do to have you seen the world through my eyes; of violet and rose tinted sunsets over the Pacific. To breathe in the crisp, clean salty ocean air and have it raise your spirits and be happy just being alive. To get drunk on the beach, blazing it up and lie on blankets under starry night skies. I wish you could put yourself in my shoes and walk on warm toasty sand, or skip through Central Park in New York or trudge up steep hilly streets in San Francisco. I wish you could have been there, with me, enjoying every single moment. Alas! Memory can only do so much and we cannot turn back time at whim. So bear with me when I sometimes disappear into my memory, if I sometimes whine and complain about how much I miss summer - it's been said you can't forget something when it gave you so much to remember.
Now I'm here with you, again. It's good to be back.
The past 3 weeks have been sobering, adjusting back to my reality that is job hunting and finding myself amidst the confusion of growing up and adopting all these responsibilities that adulthood has to offer. The past 4 months already feel like a dream, funny huh? I sit here looking at photographs and they're the only thing that allows me to believe the memories carefully crafted and stored away actually happened. I kept away from this space because for the first time in a long time I felt so, so at ease with myself. I had no need to sound poetic or wax lyrical about how my life was a car wreck of emotions or how I mindlessly content I was. That said, I have changed in many ways and in my own way of thanksgiving or pensive reflection, I think it's time to come back and string together words and thoughts because memory is a cruel thing and we always forget the important things.
I know I haven't really been able to map out the sequence of events that happened while I was away, and neither was I very good at keeping in touch, but now that I'm back here with you, how I wish I could sit you through rambling conversations about how I had the best fucking summer of my life. Oh, what I would do to have you seen the world through my eyes; of violet and rose tinted sunsets over the Pacific. To breathe in the crisp, clean salty ocean air and have it raise your spirits and be happy just being alive. To get drunk on the beach, blazing it up and lie on blankets under starry night skies. I wish you could put yourself in my shoes and walk on warm toasty sand, or skip through Central Park in New York or trudge up steep hilly streets in San Francisco. I wish you could have been there, with me, enjoying every single moment. Alas! Memory can only do so much and we cannot turn back time at whim. So bear with me when I sometimes disappear into my memory, if I sometimes whine and complain about how much I miss summer - it's been said you can't forget something when it gave you so much to remember.
Now I'm here with you, again. It's good to be back.
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