awkward
The whole purpose of maintaining this blog was so that I could have an outlet to share my thoughts and air all the clean and dirty laundry alike to have a peace of mind. So far, that hasn't been working out very well. I believe it's due to whatever semblance of an ego that I have, that I'm just so afraid of being criticized for my thoughts.
Truth is, half the time, I'm just worried about what others see in me, that I've honestly lost track of myself. I don't quite remember what it feels like to "be me". If we were playing that game where we had to pick an alliteration adjective, I would be Dull Deborah. It's getting boring just sitting on the sidelines watching my non existent life flash by me. It's been such a subtle change, that I didn't notice it till one day I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "hey stranger". Maybe it's good, we need to change from time to time, right? So then why does it feel so tough.
So back on point, in the midst of growing up, I think for the most part once I turned 16, I've been dazed and confused, and I'm never really sure of the what/why/when/where/how and I always get strung along. I am so tired of growing up, because honestly, it hasn't been all that people always make it out to be. I mean, what happened to worrying about filling out clothes, and getting good grades, and having silly crushes on boys.
Ugh, what is up with all this second guessing. I didn't live 21 years and learn nothing, did I?!?!?!
Truth is, half the time, I'm just worried about what others see in me, that I've honestly lost track of myself. I don't quite remember what it feels like to "be me". If we were playing that game where we had to pick an alliteration adjective, I would be Dull Deborah. It's getting boring just sitting on the sidelines watching my non existent life flash by me. It's been such a subtle change, that I didn't notice it till one day I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "hey stranger". Maybe it's good, we need to change from time to time, right? So then why does it feel so tough.
So back on point, in the midst of growing up, I think for the most part once I turned 16, I've been dazed and confused, and I'm never really sure of the what/why/when/where/how and I always get strung along. I am so tired of growing up, because honestly, it hasn't been all that people always make it out to be. I mean, what happened to worrying about filling out clothes, and getting good grades, and having silly crushes on boys.
Ugh, what is up with all this second guessing. I didn't live 21 years and learn nothing, did I?!?!?!
Write more Debz! i always always check back hehe. i love you and miss you terribly.
ReplyDeletehehe, i'm trying to! some days I really feel I've lost my voice. but yes miss u too! can't wait for tues :))
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