So I have decided to make this blog private, just for me. 

I'm done opening up my thoughts for scrunity, just hoping that maybe someday someone might get it, and I mean completely get it, the drama, bullshit and all. All I have ever hoped for was for someone to not judge me and get sick of my tiresome rants and cycles of self pity/doubt/loathing. But eventually, people do. That's what people do. They get tired of you, or they just ignore it and pretend like everything's okay. That's how selfish we all are, right? 

I am done. Done opening up my heart and committing to people that flung me aside as and when they like. I am deeply unhappy with where I am in life and I just hate who I am. Being so readily available, readily disposable. I don't even dare to fight for things I want anymore because it's just not nice, and not me. 

I hate this person that I am right now, I know I shouldn't, because if I can't even stand myself, who can? But there you go, that's how I feel, and I have had enough.

God, I know you're out there. I just need to learn how to have faith. I am stuck, really stuck. And it's all darkness, and I'm lost and lonely and I don't know how to get out.