mess right now

A child knows 900 to 1200 words, what more an adult? Yet I still sit here pondering how I can't conjure words to describe how I feel. I've been trying not to talk about my feelings to anyone, because it's boring. Because I don't know how, because I get so sick of myself. I ticked the box next to "I feel tired and unhappy" and I was hoping that by some stroke of luck the therapist would know why.

Help me out here, won't you? I dish out advice to my friends that tough times don't last, tough people do, but then I hit a rough patch in the path of life and I just crumble. I'm 22, I'm not 15 and inadequate anymore. Is it okay to want things? To feel things in its entirety, to not always be okay, to fall silent and unsure of how I should respond when I get so disappointed with not being able to hold it together. Recently, I've been pushed in directions of closed arms and unrequited intentions, like I'm looking back at eager eyes who are awaiting some form of good news when I'm stepping off the plank into deep water.

Blame it on my hypersensitivity, I know when things aren't going to work out, I don't need to "try". That glimmer of hope still flickers dimly in the corner, flashing me taunting looks. Coward. I know, I know, I know.