into the rabbit hole

It has become second nature to run here and talk about my failures and disappointments, and I know it seems like I never seem to be content, but I am, really. Non-verbal communication can be misleading, and I am not good at translating feelings into words so for all the lovely souls out there who have dropped me a text every now and then (you know who you are), I'm grateful and thankful for your love.

Finals are fast approaching and I'm incredibly antsy. I fear not being able to pass my first year, that my "success" story of coming back to uni and switching majors will be a complete flop and I will be old and embarrassing. It's a little bit hard to believe that I am a university student, considering how I've never fit into the cookie cutter norm of academia. I look at the girls and they make it seem so normal, as if university was just another stepping stone before carrying on with their life. (which is another reason why I love my sister, who validates my worries and reminds me that university is hard) Sometimes I walk around on campus and feel tremendously humbled for the chance to even be here. It is all very overwhelming, and I wish education were free, that it didn't cost this much to feel this much, but as they say, "if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking"

The trees are adorned with spring blooms and the sunsets get deeper everyday, and it is all unstaged and moving on gracefully and so must I.

It might be time to bid adieu to this space.