frosty

My biggest personality flaw is perhaps a painful self awareness that recognises moments of weaknesses and over compensates for them by soldiering on. And the problem with telling yourself I'm okay is that it'll eventually catch up with you. I find myself thinking about QH these days, mostly in dreams and when I’m looking up at the sky. Wondering if I had completely lost the plot. So many things from my childhood I've had to unlearn, and each one proving to be a more painful lesson than the last. It’s a bit of a cruel joke, remembering the good parts, lingering in more regret than a peace of mind. Perhaps I’m paying penance for the hurt I caused, and it’s a terrible place to be. (Again, I'm sorry.) The zero-to-hundred ranting, manic anxiety, reckless joy and deceitful depression. The all or nothing. I know it’s a bit too late to go back to what-ifs, and in some sense I’m maddened by my decisiveness, or lack thereof. (I’m sorry) Our dreams didn’t quite align at the right time, that I wasn’t patient enough for you to catch up, or patient enough to give it a shot. But I guess that’s my bitter pill to swallow, and a bitter experience that sent you reeling. Now I’m left with a handful of mix tapes and song recordings, played on loop till it drowns out my own thoughts.